When is enough, enough?

Well here we go my first serious post. Hold on to your hats kiddies because it's going to get bumpy.

I recently spent an afternoon with a good friend and during this afternoon I'd asked "Why have a certain group of people stopped talking to us?" or "have you heard from so and so?" (I'm refraining from mentioning names and such because the people involved will know who I'm talking about when they read this).

The answer I got was "I don't know" and one of the things that came up was "You're very abrupt with people, but I know that's just how you are and I know you don't mean it badly"

It's kind of a shock to the system when a very good friend, who you have a high opinion of tells you something that you've always thought is against your nature. I've tried thinking why would I be abrupt with people? is it just how I am? or are there other factors?

Here's what I've come up with (I could be wrong but I doubt it):

I don't intentionally try and upset or make people angry. I am a little rough around the edges when it comes to people and how they talk to me, after all you treat others as you want to be treated and therefore talk to others the way they talk to you. No one can be nice all the time because the sheer amount of nastiness and vindictiveness that rears it's ugly head, prevents such an act and it would be unreasonable to assume people could be nice all the time.

I am by nature a massively defensive person, I'm not ashamed to admit it, although that probably means I feel like I'm the butt of everyones jokes which makes me an easy target for exactly that reason and don't see the funny side when people are trying to "have a laugh at someone's expense". Simple explanation is that I was bullied intensively as a child, picked on, ridiculed and all because I was fat, so I have a very low tolerance when it comes to people making fun of me and if I'm quite honest I intensely dislike it when other people get ridiculed too.

I've always struggled to fit in with people because I always felt everyone was better than me and looked down on me. It's taken me 31 yrs of my life to stop thinking that others are better than me and to realise it's down to me, but what do you do when everyone else has gotten used to thinking of you as spineless and too nice for your own good?

The problem with starting to show teeth is that you're going to upset people. It's inevitable. People get so used to thinking "We'll take advantage of this person one more time", but even nice guys have that limit and once you hit that limit everyone else is fucked.

I've hit that limit...

I just cannot afford to be dicked around any more, I'm unwilling to bend to other peoples wishes and compromise myself as a person. Over the last year I've absolutely worked my ass off when it comes to promoting and booking bands, only to have people do fuck all while I stress out, work my ass off and get the absolute piss out of me for a whole year, all the while expecting me to just be happy with how things are going. I've begged, I've asked, I've pleaded and told people that shit needs to change or it's going to push me over the edge and all I got was excuse after excuse.

How can you be part of something and do nothing? How can ANYONE claim to be passionate about something and do nothing? Why if you do nothing speak to those who are doing something like they are idiots?


They say "idle hands are the devils playthings", I say that's bullshit, because in this day and age it's apathy. Apathy for your fellow man and the "I can't be arsed attitude" people have these days. 


Who would accept that?


Who is willing to put all the effort and passion into something and then have people who do nothing speak to you like you're a moron and have no idea what you're doing when you're the only one who does know what needs to be done or what's going on?


I tell you NO ONE would accept that, well not for long anyway.

It took me a year to finally say I've had enough, it took me a whole year to finally hit that limit and the casualties have come thick and fast. The best thing is that the people who are in the wrong always talk shit about you behind your back. Whenever I spoke to a certain someone about a problem I never talked shit, slandered or said anything bad about someone other than I don't understand why they leave everything to me and do nothing.

Should I finally say what I think about these people on here? I don't think I should because I will not debase myself and bring myself down to that petty bullshit they've obviously stooped down to. If there are more casualties after this gets read then so be it.

Bear in mind I've had to accept all of you the way you are, so why can't you accept me for who I am and how I am? I'm not an evil person, I'm quite easy to talk to, I've just hit the limit that's all.